Sep 112014
 

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  • Number of times I’ve nearly run over a pedestrian or into a car slamming on its brakes for a pedestrian: 74
  • Number of times as a pedestrian I’ve intentionally confused Portland drivers by crossing an intersection on a diagonal: 3
  • Number of times I’ve been nearly injured by a bicyclist both on foot or in a car: 6
  • Number of varieties of “local IPA’s” I’m not convinced are even possible but are being sold as such at every bar, store, and laundromat: 287,566
  • Average number of applicants for each open bar tending or serving position listed on Craigslist: 200
  • Chance of getting a bar tending or serving position in Portland unless well-schooled in the 287,566 varieties of “local IPA’s”: .08%
  • Number of “local IPA’s” I’m familiar with: 5
  • Number of bar tending positions I’ve held in Portland: 1 (that served only 5 varieties of “local IPA’s”)
  • Number of varieties of blackberries I’m not convinced are even possible but are being sold as such at farmer’s markets: 7
  • Number of cartons of berries I’ve eaten: 321
  • Number of times I’ve been hit on the head by a waterfall: 12
  • Number of people I’ve met that have walked the PCT, are currently walking the PCT, or who plan to walk the PCT: 64
  • Number of neighbors I currently have that keep chickens and/or bees: 4
  • Number of Portland residents I’ve heard make a reference to the show “Portlandia” in conversation: 0
  • Number of Portland visitors I’ve heard make a reference to the show “Portlandia” in conversation: 190
  • Number of Portland residents I’ve heard make the comment that “Voodoo Donuts” aren’t actually very tasty: 52
  • Number of truly awful weather days that were anything like what I had been warned about: 22
  • Number of days of hot, dry, and strangely southwest-like weather that occurred: 157
  • Number of varieties of things growing in my yard uncultivated: 130
  • Number of varieties of things that appear to be dying in my yard because of no rain but I’m not really sure because I have no idea how to care for anything other than cactus and gravel in a yard and maybe that’s just what they “do” in the summer: 130
  • Number of trips I’ve taken into Canada because, well, it’s “right there”: 1
  • Number of hours I was held at the Canadian Border because I couldn’t sufficiently prove I had any reason at all to return to the US: 2
  • Number of why-my-life-in-the-US-is-important documents I’ll carry next time I cross the Canadian border: 35
  • Number of van camping spots I’ve visually located in surrounding areas: 3,800
  • Number of Toyota Previas I’ve seen that have been converted into campers: 88
  • Number of people met who are living in their vans: 12
  • Number of times I’ve crossed the PCT in my van and stopped just to give the trail a hug: 72
  • Number of hopscotch grids I’ve unintentionally defiled by simply walking on the sidewalks: 31
  • Number of times I’ve said out loud “I love Portland”: 1,122

 

It's A Trick!

It’s A Trick!

     Long distance hiking adventure season is rolling to a close in the United States.  The hikers whose blogs you’ve been following are just starting to arrive at their destinations and post photos of themselves at their respective terminus’ jumping into the air and crying and hugging the monument markers. They look skinny and [...]

50 Things That Qualify as Porn When You've Been in the Wilderness Way Too Long

50 Things That Qualify as Porn When You’ve Been in the Wilderness Way Too Long

PORN: n. Media that is regarded as emphasizing the sensuous or sensational aspects of a nonsexual subject and stimulating a compulsive interest in their audience. (Dictionary.com) ~ or revised ~ PORN: n. Media  Any media, object, person, or sheer mention of something that is regarded as emphasizing the sensuous or sensational aspects of a nonsexual subject and stimulating a [...]

It's A Problem to Solve - Another Enduring Trailism

It’s A Problem to Solve – Another Enduring Trailism

The thing about most dire situations is that you don’t realize they are dire until you’re standing smack in the center of the them. For example, when I left Kennedy Meadows to begin the Sierra segment of the Pacific Crest Trail last year, I was feeling a bit achy, a bit tired, and was having [...]

Top 20 Uses for Dollar Store Flip Flops on Your Next Long Distance Hike

Top 20 Uses for Dollar Store Flip Flops on Your Next Long Distance Hike

Dollar store flip-flops are, well, a dollar. And every town with more than 35 people in it has a dollar store. What that means to me is that I have a somewhat destructible ultralight piece of gear that I can easily replace on a long distance hike without the expense and peskiness of having to [...]

Letting Go of the Need to Feel Good, an Enduring Gift

Letting Go of the Need to Feel Good, an Enduring Gift

Thru-hikers are masochists. They have to be. What other personality trait could coerce them into thinking it’s actually preferable to spend 5 months more or less in a constant condition of suffering when they could, easily, instead choose to be cradled in a society wholly created to foster an illusion of non-stop comfort with bouts of occasional [...]

Dromomania

Dromomania

“Dromomania, also traveling fugue, is an uncontrollable psychological urge to wander. People with this condition spontaneously depart from their routine, travel long distances and take up different identities and occupations. Months may pass before they return to their former identities.” Wikipedia “True dromomaniacs are obsessed with travel and are always planning their next trip or [...]

I Don't Like Hiking

I Don’t Like Hiking

Hiking sucks.  And the only thing worse than hiking is camping. There’s way too much romanticizing done about both of them, as if ANYONE is out there with rays of sunlight beaming selectively through the trees at them, blissing out on birdsong and silence, thinking important philosophical thoughts and “communing” with nature. They’re not. The [...]

What Exactly Is a "Bonus Round" in Life?

What Exactly Is a “Bonus Round” in Life?

Anyone who’s been in a situation, medical or otherwise, that’s nearly killed them, will slip automatically into “bonus round” mode in life. It’s an orientation impelled from the deepest recesses of the soul where near-death lies. It’s a gift really. And somewhat makes up for the suffering in the “nearly dying” part. For those who [...]