Mile 454 ~ The Return of Sleep Deprivation, Come to my Surviversary, and 10 MORE Face-Saving Ways to Buy Valuable Resting Time When Walking With Someone Who Is More Fit Than You

So I’d be really lying if I went on an OMG-what-an-incredible-section rant. It wasn’t. Well, it probably was, but I was in less than excellent physical/emotional shape due to the reason-less and unwelcome return of sleep issues. By return, I don’t mean to suggest I was having problems earlier in the trip. I wasn’t. Even without chemical help, I was sleeping like a queen the first few weeks and prematurely declared it a problem of the less experienced me from the past. Hooray! But actually boo, because I didn’t sleep for a minute in the last four days, and even though there is enjoyable hallucinogenic value to the condition, it makes hiking, and avoiding miles and miles of Poodledog bush and poison oak a challenge not faced well if  lacking the can-do spirit that sleep offers. I didn’t feel overwhelming happiness in the last four days until I hit Vasquez Rocks, where happiness is sprayed upon you from the pores of the giant stones. If you’re sad there, the rocks eat you.

So the party is at PCT Mile 717 (14 miles after Kennedy Meadows) along scenic Cow Creek near June 5th-ish  in honor of my first Surviversary!! Please come! I’m doing everything in my power to get the bagpiper from Kickoff to bagpipe me past the big scary bit of tread where my head tried to blowup last year. There will be wine and fritos and men in kilts and rose petals and sentimental writings in the dirt and maybe even some watergun fighting. Come and bring stuff! I’ve also committed to a resupply strategy in the Sierras which makes it real to me that I’m actually going to make it through there this year. If you want to send me stuff, I will post those addresses in the next post. But better if you just come and enjoy some bagpiping.

Meanwhile, yes I have been walking some miles with some super-walkers (I’m not) and have had to rely on some devious strategies to not lose their company. Here’s 25 I thought of a while ago: 25 Face-Saving Ways to Gain Valuable Resting Time When Walking With Someone Who Is More Fit Than You.. 

Here’s 10 more:

10 MORE Face-Saving Ways to Buy Valuable Resting Time When Walking With Someone Who Is More Fit Than You

1. Keep your water that needs to be purified in your largest water carriers. It will force you to have to stop and filter fairly frequently if you only have one 32 oz “clean” water carrier
2. Need to apply more sunscreen. FACT: Even if you shellac on a supersports 900spf sunscreen, your skin will sweat it off or absorb it in 80 minutes tops. Know this and be adamant about it.
3. Start talking about food. An average super-walker will become hunger aroused enough to stop if you keep the subject up. Tip: Know their favorite foods.
4. Need help. Any kind of help. This could be a strap tightening, a question about a detour, map confusion, out of electrolyte mix, whatever, be creative… but don’t be too continually needy.
5. “Accidentally” slightly injure them with your trekking pole. Be careful here. Only use this if other efforts have failed and by “injure”, I just mean to give them a little jab  inside the heel of their shoe or something that would just slow them down a wee little bit.
6. Leave a note for hikers behind you identifying a dangerous plant like Poodledog or poison oak. You are also now a hero!
7. Smell tuna. Obviously this  requires that you pack some actual tuna for lunch ahead of time. Nobody wants to walk or sleep with someone who has an exploded packet of tuna in their pack. It must be checked.
8. Suggest a shot of whiskey or tequila. Most can be talked into this and have some handy in your pack. Don’t actually drink any of it yourself.
9. If it’s someone you just met, insist on exchanging email addresses and/or phone numbers before you “forget”. Type slowly on your cell phone keyboard because really who has fingertips the size of a hamster’s anyways
10. Have epiphanies from things they say requiring you stop and think about it for a minute. It’d be rude for them to walk off after inspiring you.

Happy trails! Next stop Mojave!!