Oct 032012
 

 

…  you not only know which train to get on to get where you are going, but you know which PART of the train to get on that will dump you closest to the escalator at the destination station…

… you have eaten 3 meals a day at  3 different food trucks..

… you start calling all movies “films”…

… you have a small dog…

… you have been scammed  by someone on Craigslist for at least $1000.00…

… you have used the word “brunch” as a verb..

… you’ve said the word “move”  and only the word “move” to a perfect stranger more than a few times..

… you’ve fallen asleep on someone on the subway train..

… you’ve stopped going to sleep before 4am..except on the subway trains..

… you’ve stopped going out on any night other than Monday or Tuesday..

… you’ve genuinely stopped hearing the sirens and completely blame the person you’re talking to on your cell phone for not being able to hear them…

… you’ve gotten pissed that an establishment closed before midnight…

.. you’ve manipulated a cab driver into taking you to Brooklyn..

… you’ve “imported” cigarettes or toiletries from New Jersey…

… you’ve wandered around the streets for more than three nights in a row ..

… you’ve gotten your act together about footwear…

… you’ve read 1500 books…

… you carry a wheeled cart around with you …

… you’re cell phone begins to adhere to either your fingers or your head…

… you simply won’t eat bad food…

… you’re very comfortable standing in the middle of a road of rushing traffic..

… you’ve stood on the sound installation on Times Square…

… you’ve performed somewhere, even if it’s just karaoke…

… you’ve figured out where Long Island actually is on a map..

… you’ve opened an Ok, Cupid account..

… you’ve run or heavily become involved in a Kickstarter project…

… you’ve participated in a Charity Run, a Street Fair booth, or an Improv Everywhere event…

… you’ve had a rat run across your foot…

… you’ve figured out how to sync a Happy Hour crawl so that it’s always Happy Hour…

… you’ve received medical or dental treatment from either a student or a questionable international working without a license from their apartment…

… you’ve become comfortable eating in places you’d be afraid to touch the floor in…

… you’d get your coffee at Dunkin Donuts before you’d get it at Starbucks…

… you’ve witnessed a crime in a subway car…

… you don’t look up  anymore…

… you’ve gotten black framed eyewear..

… you leave.. and mean it… but then come back

 

I never made to “real New Yorker” status. I left. And I meant it. When I come back, I just may qualify.  In the meantime it’s all birdsong and coyotes in the sweet deserts of Sedona, Arizona…

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  One Response to “You’re Not a Real New Yorker Until..”

  1. I thought that you were just trying to justify the questionable mugshot you posted along with all the insanity! When are we getting together before you come back to NYC?

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